Top 10 Family Concerns About Eloping + Thoughtful Responses From a BC Elopement Planner
Photography by Unspoken Photography.
You’ve decided to elope! Maybe in the BC mountains, by the ocean, or somewhere wildly beautiful. Cue the joy, the butterflies, and possibly… a few tricky conversations with family.
I polled over 100 people who have eloped with Sea to Sky Elopements and gathered the most common objections they heard from loved ones. Then, I created thoughtful, loving scripts you can borrow or adapt to help you communicate your decision with grace (and without feeling like you have to defend yourself over and over).
Because here’s the truth: eloping doesn’t mean shutting people out. It means creating a day that’s true to you. And with the right words, your family can still feel valued, loved, and included even if they’re not physically there.
Photography by Unspoken Photography.
1. “But I thought I’d be there…”
It’s one of the hardest ones to hear, and one of the most common. Your family may picture themselves standing beside you, so it’s natural for them to feel a little left out at first.
Response:
“I’m so glad you’re telling us. We totally understand, and honestly, it is hard to picture a day without you physically present, too. We want you to know that our choice isn’t about cutting people out; rather, it is about creating something deeply personal, just for us. We love you. And we’re still finding ways to include you in our day that have us all excited and looking forward to.”
Pro Tip: Check out our blog How to Include Your Loved Ones in Your Elopement for ways to weave them into the rituals and excitement of the big day without actually having them present at your intimate ceremony.
2. “You’re missing out on the real wedding experience.”
The “real” wedding experience looks different for everyone. For some, it’s a ballroom and 200 guests. For others, it’s wind in your hair on a mountaintop.
Response:
“For us, this is the real wedding experience. Saying our vows in a place that reflects who we are, without pressure or performance, is what feels meaningful to us. We’re not skipping the experience. We’re shaping it to fit US.”
Photography by Unspoken Photography.
3. “What will people think?”
Ah, the age-old “what will the neighbours say?” question.
Response:
“Respectfully, our wedding is about us. We’ve stopped planning for everyone else’s opinion. This day is about our relationship, not the crowd. And anyone who truly loves us will understand.”
Photography by Chelsea Abram Photography.
4. “This feels rushed.”
From the outside, elopements can seem sudden. But you know how much intention went into this decision.
Response:
“It might seem that way from the outside, but we’ve thought about this deeply. The intimacy and the intention are what we want, and choosing to elope is actually helping us slow down and really feel and enjoy this moment.”
Photography by Janessa Alicia Studios.
5. “We’ve waited for this day for so long.”
Family members may have been imagining this day for years. Acknowledge that, and reassure them they still have a place in your celebration.
Response:
“We’re so glad you’re excited! We’re excited too, and we’re so grateful for your love and support. Our decision to elope doesn’t erase how much you mean to us. We’re still finding ways to celebrate with you, in a way that honours our decisions and includes the people we love in creative ways.”
Photography by Unspoken Photography.
6. “You’ll regret not having photos with your family.”
Photos are often where emotion meets reality, and this concern usually comes from love.
Response:
“This is the start of our family, and the photos matter to us, too. We’re working with an incredible photographer who’s capturing everything, and we’ll make sure you’re part of that story, even from afar. We would love to take family photos with you at our next family gathering!”
Photography by Unspoken Photography.
7. “We already told people you’re having a wedding!”
Translation: We’ve already spread the news, and we don’t want to feel embarrassed changing it.
Response:
“And it’s so exciting to watch the plans unfold and develop! Plans change all the time, and as our life together evolves, people can adjust, and we’ll help them understand, too, if it is difficult.”
Photos by Mad Magic Co.
8. “It feels like you don’t want us there.”
Ouch. This one stings. But keep in mind that it’s about reassurance, not justification.
Response:
“That couldn’t be farther from the truth. This isn’t about not wanting you, it’s about creating space for a different kind of connection, one that involves just the two of us. Our love for you hasn’t changed. The format of the day has.”
Photography by Mad Magic Co.
9. “This is a family tradition and you’re breaking it.”
Traditions matter, but they can evolve to fit new stories.
Response:
“We understand how important tradition is. And we’re still honouring what matters, and in a new way that may even start a new tradition! All traditions were born from the first person starting them, and we’re excited to be the first ones on our family to elope. We’d love to find small ways to bring your important traditions in, if that feels good to you.”
Photography by Mad Magic Co.
10. “But we paid for [XYZ] already!”
Money conversations can be tricky, but honesty and gratitude go a long way.
Response:
“We’re grateful for everything you’ve contributed. We know this shift changes things, and we want to talk openly about what feels fair. More than anything, we want this to be something we all feel good about.”
Why These Conversations Matter
The responses we’ve provided in this blog aren’t just “canned replies”; they’re boundaries, love notes, and olive branches all in one. They give you language for the hardest part of eloping: making sure the people you care about still feel valued, even when your wedding vision looks different from theirs.
When you first decide to elope, it’s exciting! Still, for many couples, the joy is quickly followed by a flood of “What will our families think?” questions. Concerns about hurt feelings, missed traditions, and heavy expectations are some of the biggest challenges couples face when choosing to elope. If you’re wondering how to tell your friends and family you’re eloping, we’ve put together a separate guide to help you navigate that conversation with care
Working with Sea to Sky Elopements means you get planning, photography, florals, officiant, hair & makeup all bundled into one seamless package and all designed around you. You also get an expert who’s been there for hundreds of couples before you, helping them navigate family dynamics with grace. I’m here to support you!
If you’re worried about having these conversations, you don’t have to figure it out alone. I’ve guided hundreds of people through telling their families they’re eloping, and I’ll help you do it with love, clarity, and confidence. Let’s create a day that feels like you and still honours the people you love most. Contact me today and let’s start planning.
